Thursday, September 13, 2012

Therapeutic Writing

Instead of binge eating I have decided to choose writing as therapy for life!

Instead of a candy bar I pick up a pen...

Instead of being a couch potato I become an idea sprouter...
and I think....
then I cry....
then I write.

I repeat this process until.....
 I step inside my closet and shut the door as the darkness begins again.
Pain had taken a momentary reprieve just long enough for the sun to shine its deceptive rays of forever beneath a crack on the floor.
You see, the shadow never stays away too long. Like an old friend I grab his hand and we begin our stroll as we trample over a bridge called hope and sail down a river of despair.
 This time I don’t even bother to turn around to say goodbye to the light.
Its glow was never meant for girls like me.
Girls who have not yet determined the worth of self, yet walk on this side of the moon.
Priceless treasures foolishly given away to undeserving looters, the sweetest of secrets carelessly spilled in the wind.
No its glow was never meant for girls like me.
So I step inside my hiding place, a coffin of sorts, black and desolate, where I assist in the demise of these gifts.
Weariness begs for an embrace as fleeting glimpses into happiness are barely enough to keep me anchored to this globe.
My murky groom and I exist in a continuum until the light that is eternal shines my way.

I create...then I can breathe again!

Happy Beyond Fit is knowing I don't have to eat the pain away... I can use writing as my therapy!

Anyone for a bag of almonds?

Sunday, August 5, 2012

August Again!!!

It is August 2012....
Almost a year since I began my Happy Beyond Fit venture by losing weight and finding Angela!
Although I can't say that I'll be ready to put on a bikini by August 22nd (um my 40th Birthday), however I can honestly say that I am proud of my accomplishments thus far...damn proud! 

I had an ex-boyfriend from college reach out to me back in January. He told me he had seen pictures of me and that I was shrinking and he wondered what happened to me.  The concern in voice immediately clued me in to the fact that he was not talking about my dramatic weight loss.  So I informed him that he had seen old pictures of me and that he should see me now.  My good friend shared in my enthusiasm over my weight loss but again asked me why was I "shrinking" on my photographs.  He also asked me had I found the reasons why things had gotten so out of control with my life, health, and relationships.

I still look back at some of the pictures, some fewer than ten months ago, and wonder how the hell did this happen to me. How did I get so fat?

That is why I titled my blog Happy Beyond Fit...
Now that I am about 20lbs away from my fitness goals and moving forward in life I want to make sure that I am fulfilled emotionally and not trying to eat my way to happiness thus destroying my body and endangering my life and consequently altering my children's future in a negative way.

I wrote all this only to say I am still on my journey. 
I'm off to a great start...but I have more roads to travel before this is over.
I hope I can inspire someone to change their own life along the way...

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

When Pizza Orders Me at One O'Clock in the Morning

With tears rolling down my face

The woman that I see isn’t a reflection of hope

A promise of His love for me.

Always doing things in my own time

Doing things my own way 
Then asking Him is this good…

Setting limits on my Blessings

So tired of the pain, so tired of the hurt

I began to pray

Calling on His name

I put so much distance between us with my sin
So thankful that my mother prayed for me

He took the shackles off my feet so I could dance

But the blinders where still on so I was still bound

When I started to get real with myself and my God is when my heart began to change

Now when I say I am special it is because I know it for myself
God has purpose for my life everyday that He wakes me up
When I just say no to a sedentary lifestyle, to negative thoughts, to bad relationships, to bad food choices
I say no because I know my body and my life are unique precious gifts that have been given to me from Him above
My thanks to Him is to praise Him and respect these gifts   
Goodnight Pizza.... I'm Happy Beyond Fit!

Candy From Strangers...

Accepting candy from strangers has long been a cautionary tale of mischief and perversion. A dark stranger luring a trusting child into harms way. An unsuspecting damsel on a dimly lit street meeting ill fate... 

As I have grown on my journey to becoming Happy Beyond Fit my Candy from Strangers has been more like Pearls of Wisdom... Information that fell upon def ears until I was ready to take personal responsibility for my life, health, and future.
Candy from Strangers for me has been the sweet stories of the dichotomy of failure and success; hope and hopelessness; despair and joy....these are an inevitable part of any worthwhile journey.
The ability to extrapolate meaningful information from others trials as well as grow from your own short comings and struggles makes the victory even sweeter.

 On some future posts I will explore some of the sweet treats that I have received from strangers and friends alike.

Until then here are a few chocolate pearls
from me to get you motivated...

                                                                    Chocolate heart candy on a red plate with pearls Stock Photo - 2125794
                                                           1. Prayer Changes Everything
                                                           2. Love Yourself
                                                           3. Drink Plenty of Water
                                                           4. Write down everything you eat
                                                           5. Talk about your feelings
                                                           6.  Protein is Fuel
                                                           7.  Get Moving
                                                           8. You Can Do This

Be Happy Beyond Fit!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Happy New Year !?!

It is already June and this is my first post in 2012.  Writing has always been cathartic for me. Blogging again makes me feel like I am in the room with a therapist!

Let me share what I have been doing for the past few months:

Earned my Master's Degree

Photo op with Eric Benet

Compared an old photo from June 2011 to
January 2012.... WOW!!!

Raced for the Cure....
Ran the Mini-marathon!

Partied like a Rock-Star!!!
Maintained weight loss....

As my journey continues I need my old friend back
.... Happy New Year Happy Beyond Fit!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Character Building

Today I ran in 44 degree temperatures as the sky turned grey and the blustery wind burned my cheeks, chafed my lips, and chilled my hands.  Because of the inclement weather I briefly thought about going back to my car but then I remembered that: I got myself into this overweight, unhealthy mess and now only my sacrifices can get me out.
So I continued...
It began to rain a little but I kept going...

I wanted  to slow down...
...but Lewey continued his sprint!
I began to complain...
And my sister sent me a text response about running in harsh conditions being Character Building.

So I pondered over what exactly was character building about an hour long run in the park... being pulled by my puppy...freezing my bum off!

Here are some things that I came up with:

I believe before your true efforts can be put towards character building there must first be self-deconstruction:

That is the journey...Happy Beyond Fit!

Character building and self deconstruction have a symbiotic relationship.

In the image below is the structure being built or torn down? argument can be made for either side!
DECONSTRUCTION: Listen to your heart and your inner self and find the reasons or triggers that cause you to have decreased will power, lack of faith and self-control. The choices that cause you to be dishonest with yourself and eat unhealthy foods and not exercise.


CHARACTER BUILDING: Embrace the deconstructive elements and act on them to make changes in your life. This makes you a stronger person.

What I've learned thus far on my journey:

Don't be afraid of difficult situations and challenges. Just because something is difficult does not mean it is impossible. It is just hard!  It will take some extra work but will be worth it in the end!

Weight loss after a sedentary lifestyle is difficult...
Having the will power to exercise despite inclement weather is hard...
Neither is impossible...
Both are Character Building.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride!

Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride!

This is a video clipart montage that I put together to celebrate breaking through 200lbs!
Yeah me!

I am very proud of my accomplishments thus far on my journey.

...and the saga continues: Happy Beyond Fit!